Paranoid Love Affair 94
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 94

94
It was a day full of emotion.
It was a day full of heartbreak and uncontrollable excitement.
Yoon-woo, who was like that until he said goodbye to Ji-eun, was at best, ‘Oh my God, how can this be, that this person likes me? I was just thinking, ‘Is this really real?’
It was an unfamiliar situation for Yun-woo.
Therefore, the practical problems that arise from it were not considered at all.
It was only after hearing Hye-eun’s words that Yun-woo realized that he was in a very severe dilemma.
“Choose? uh… … What exactly am I supposed to do?”
[You have to decide who to meet and who not to meet.]
“… … Does that really mean you have to cut ties with someone?”
[If you don’t like it, do you want to wear both legs? Between me and that senior?]
“Hey, legs? Nope. It’s not like that. how do i… … dare… … .”
[then? What do you want to do?]
“Sorry. I do not know… … However, in my 20 years of life, I have met only two people who like me, and I have to meet only one of them… … Can’t we just be friends?”
[If you want to, you can.]
“then… … .”
[But then, I and that senior’s heart will burn? wouldn’t you? If I had to watch the person I like having a good time with someone else who clearly knows that he has a heart… … If you have to spend every day wondering when and where that person’s heart will go… … .]
“Oh.… … .”
[It doesn’t matter though. If you want to use the fact that I like you as a means to boost your self-esteem… … i like it though Even if you don’t like me, I will still love you.]
“I can’t. such a thing… … .”
Yun-woo knows how sad that is.
The fact that the person he likes treats him only in such a way… … But now, there was no way Yun-woo could do such a thing to others.
[right? Look. Now you know how absurd what you said before, right?]
“Huh? What do you mean?”
[You said that you like anyone who likes you. No, I told you to think about how you feel. Otherwise, it’ll end up like this, I kept telling you… … .]
“… … .”
Every time Hye-eun said something like that, Yun-woo thought it was useless.
I just thought it couldn’t happen.
So I heard it all in one ear and let it out in one ear.
In fact, it was inevitable.
Worried about when someone other than Hye-eun will like Yun-woo?
Would a beggar who starved for three days worry about pretending to have food right in front of his eyes?
So I thought I could just look at Hye-eun.
I thought that I could do what Hye-eun told me and give her everything I could.
[Know. You, who have lived like this up until now, can’t help it right now. But think about it now. Stop staring at other people and see what your heart is like, what your thoughts are… … .]
For a very long time, no one asked.
What is Yun-woo’s heart and what he wants to do… … .
Thinking about that, there was nothing in this world that Yun-woo could do as he pleases, so he just stopped thinking about it.
Come to think of it, the gap between thought and reality only made it worse.
So Yun-woo’s heart was frozen.
From the classroom in the fourth grade of elementary school, or from the playground where I spent Christmas alone at the age of 9, maybe even before… … .
In fact, we have been talking about love and death with Hye-eun for a long time, but there were only a handful of things that really moved Yoon-woo’s emotions.
What kind of answer do you need to make your partner like you?
What should I do so that others won’t be bothered?
Yoon-woo has always lived his life with only such thoughts.
So far, there have been no problems with it.
Because there was no one that Yun-woo could influence, no one respected Yun-woo’s thinking.
Because it was only Hye-eun who could listen to Yun-woo’s voice.
But now, someone has opened the door to the freezer in Yun-woo’s heart, wrapped in chains.
Then you will ask What’s inside, what the contents look like… … .
It was a difficult question. Yoon-woo’s heart had just escaped the cold of minus 18 degrees Celsius, and only a little of the frost on the outside had fallen off.
Even Yun-woo himself was unable to properly check the contents.
“I think it’s too difficult. I… … How can someone like me… … .”
[…] … It’s really not fixed. Even if you meet someone other than me, don’t say ‘someone like me’. If you like someone, that person will also be heartbroken.]
“Sorry. However… … You and Ji-eun’s older sister are like too much of a person to me… … .”
[You are an undeserved person for me.]
“That’s not right. never… … .”
[it’s not like that. Actually, you don’t even have to meet one of the two. If it were you, Yoon-Woo, you might be able to meet a much better person in the future.]
“… … Is there anyone in the world better than you or Ji-eun’s older sister?”
[At least, there are many people who are better than me.]
“I don’t think so.”
[You’re saying that because you don’t know me.]
“well… … I don’t know your face, but I think I know you’re a very nice person… … .”
[Is that so? In fact, I think I have a rough idea of ​​what’s going to happen.]
“Huh? What do you think?”
[You are going to date that senior. And I will spend the rest of my college life to the fullest. Happy, happy… … .]
“… … why? Why do you think so?”
[That senior’s love is easy to understand, isn’t it? Does it come into contact with your skin one by one? He is a person who only looks at you all day, is very dedicated to you, and speaks well. I get along very well with you. He’s the kind of person who brightens up the person you’re with. On the other hand I… … .]
Yun-woo felt uncomfortable with Hye-eun’s tone of speaking as if she knew Ji-eun, as if she had been with Ji-eun for a long time, but rather than that, Hye-eun’s self-helping tone touched her heart more.
“Why are you? How are you?”
[I… … That’s weird. Honestly, do you think so too? Why don’t you open a chat room where your companion is doing something about suicide, and while following you saying that you like him and making strange noises… … He said he didn’t want to show his face… … Talking and emotional states keep coming and going… … Wouldn’t a video show you how to cut your wrist? … .]
“Even though it may seem strange on the outside, in the end it was for me, right? you’re not weird I’m not weird But you stayed with me like that. When I’m alone with no one to talk to every day… … .”
[Through cell phone. what if… … If I had really been by your side, I wouldn’t have let you swallow… … .]
“There is a reason for that.”
[That senior will be able to stay with you forever. In a literal sense. Like me, we only talk on the phone at night, meet face-to-face, without putting all sorts of bizarre conditions like that, always being in front of you, touching your skin… … .]
“… … Why are you doing that? Why are you suddenly so pessimistic? … .”
[I’m just helping you with your choices. It’s like advice.]
“You are a very grateful person to me. Whatever it is, I want to pay off what I owe you.”
[You owe me… … There is no such thing.]
“Why not? Everything is debt. Even the fact that I’m alive right now is a debt. It’s a huge debt that I don’t know how to pay off.”
[If you date that senior or anyone else, just forget about me.]
“How am I? After telling me not to use the word ‘something like me’… … .”
[…] … That way, I think you’ll be happier. I’m a problem person. Even after you’ve been in touch with me for so long, you haven’t gotten any better, haven’t you?]
“It’s better. Without you, I would have been depressed and would not have been able to attend class properly.”
[Without me, you would have met a better person, sooner. Actually, that’s it. Because I am not a bright person like that senior, because I am a dark, depressed, crazy person, the problems I am having are contagious to you.]
“It never happened.”
[Shouldn’t I be without me in your future life? Wouldn’t that make you happier? I keep thinking about it these days.]
“Nope. Without you, I will be unhappy.”
[Also… … You’re saying that because you don’t know me.]
“What more do you need to know? You are so sweet, kind, lovely… … .
[Does that sound come out when you look at my face?]
“It doesn’t matter! No matter what you look like, I… … It doesn’t matter if you have three nostrils or an egg ghost with no eyes, nose and mouth… … .”
[It’s not like that… … No, what do you think of me? I at least look like a human… … .]
“Then what happened?”
[…] … Really? Would you like to see me? You originally decided to take a look after your exam.]
“if… … Are you going to show me your bare face?”
[Yes. Let’s meet. On the promised day.]
“you… … your face… … now… … .”
[When did you say the exam is over?]
“Friday afternoon is the last exam. Friday, October 26.”
[October 26… … .]
“What time? Where are you going to see it? My exam ends at 3:30.”
[Then at 4 o’clock. See you in Bordeaux Baguette. Not at Anam Station, but at the place where Jwasinhyang Hospital is located.]
“Yes. Oh, but wouldn’t Ji-eun noona say that I shouldn’t be alone again?”
[My parents said that they decided to come to Anam. I made an appointment to see you for a while.]
“Can I get past that?”
[…] … what would be In the meantime, listen carefully and work hard to build trust.]
“… … nervous. I hope that day will come soon.”
[…] … I hope you don’t come.]
“uh? why?”
[It’s scary. really… … .]
“It will be fine.”
[Today, can I sleep with the app on?]
It’s been a long time since Hyeeun made such a proposal in the first place, so Yunwoo felt good for nothing.
“of course.”
[thanks. Sleep well, Yunwoo.]
“you also. sleep well.”
Even after sharing such a greeting, Yun-woo and Hye-eun did not end the call as promised.
In particular, Hye-eun was paying attention to each and every sound Yun-woo made.
To leave that voice, that breath, all of Yun-woo deep in my memory.
‘October 26th… … That day is the end.’
‘After that day, you and I now… … .’
The sound of Hye-eun’s tossing and turning body rubbing against the duvet sounded very pleasant to Yun-woo.
There were many thoughts running around in my head, but they didn’t bear the smell of death as usual.
In just one day, a lot has changed.
Even when Saebyeol yelled at Yunwoo, I thought it would be a terrible day… … Rather, it was a better day than ever since I was born.
Ji-eun made an ally, and two weeks later, she even made an appointment to meet Hye-eun with a bare face.
The worries in Yun-woo’s head right now were not about when to die, how to die, or where to get the supplies.
When I closed my eyes, Ji-eun and Hye-eun kept fluttering in my head, and it seemed as if my heart was filled with warm warmth no matter which one I thought of.
Maybe that’s why, although my head was obviously very complicated about the two of them, Yun-woo fell asleep quickly.
There are a few things that Yun-woo overlooked, but the first was that this house was not so well soundproofed.
It wasn’t clear enough to hear every word in the other room, but it was enough to tell that someone was talking.
The second thing was that Yun-woo spoke quite loudly while talking to Hye-eun yesterday and today.
Seeing Hye-eun clenching her wrists, seeing Hye-eun being self-helpful to herself, Yun-woo raised her voice without realizing it.
Finally… … The point was that Ji-eun had a much clearer ear than Yun-woo thought.
‘Just like yesterday, I can still hear the voices. Does Yun-woo have nightmares? But, I don’t think I’m talking to myself… … It’s not like I’m seeing ghosts… … .’
From the day Yun-woo was hospitalized, Ji-eun suffered from all kinds of worries and anxiety, and could not sleep easily even after entering the room.
Yoon-woo seemed to be in relatively good condition today, but since he confessed his feelings, his heart was very complicated.
When you lie still in bed and sit quietly, you are concerned about all kinds of noises in the house.
In particular, Ji-eun was worried that Yoon-woo would go somewhere while he was asleep, but he could not recognize the sound of words coming from Yun-woo’s room.
I thought about it for a long time yesterday.
I don’t know if I should go into that room or not, but if it’s just Yoon-woo talking while he’s sleeping, isn’t he just waking up because Ji-eun enters… … .
But today, eventually unable to contain her curiosity, Ji-eun pretended to go to the bathroom and came out of the room, stood in front of Yun-woo’s door, and listened quietly.
‘There was no sign of having a girlfriend… … If that’s the case, then… … But Yunwoo said he didn’t have any other friends… … .’
‘Are you your parents? But for that kind of thing, Yun-woo’s tone is a bit… … .’
‘I’m going to ask you a sneak peek in the morning.’
So, it was Friday morning.
It is a day where Yun-woo and Ji-eun must take classical economics class from the first period for 3 hours as a Yonkang lecture.
Yoon-woo got up early in the morning after a long time and headed to the school gym.
It was because it was a morning in which I fell asleep quite deeply even after taking half a pill, and my mood and condition were good.
Besides, I was sure that Hyerim wouldn’t be there even if I went to the gym.
Because Hyerim injured her shoulder.
‘what? Yun-woo, are you awake already?’
‘Huh.’
‘Did you sleep?’
‘Huh. slept deeply Long time no see.’
‘thank God. But where are we going?’
‘gym. I think I haven’t been exercising too much lately.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Huh. Can I go alone?’
‘Well… … Aren’t you going to leak somewhere else?’
‘of course. I won’t do anything that would make my sister worry anymore.’
‘… … okay. I’ll believe it. Do you remember the door lock password? What you said yesterday.’
‘Huh.’
As soon as they woke up in the morning, Yun-woo and Ji-eun had such a conversation.
If Yun-woo had said something like that yesterday, Ji-eun would never trust Yun-woo and followed him to the gym.
But this morning Yun-woo had a strangely bright expression.
There was power in his voice.
Ji-eun’s cheeks tickled for nothing, thinking that it might be herself who gave Yun-woo such vitality.
After leaving Yun-woo, did it take about an hour to wash up, drink coffee, and read the newspaper?
Seeing Yun-woo taking off his shoes after returning from exercise safely, Ji-eun couldn’t pass it up.
“Yoon-woo.”
“Huh?”
“You, did I tell you to dry your hair straight?”
“uh? Did you really take care of it this time?”
“lie. You have frizzy hair floating behind your head again.”
“… … It dried well.”
“Come and see.”
“… … I’ll do it.”
“What are you going to do? Your hair is already so dry and fixed?”
“If you put some water on it… … .”
“You can’t put some water on this. Come to my room.”
“no… … I’ll do it. really… … It’s really embarrassing.”
“You have to experience something you don’t like to change your habit. Quickly follow me.”
In the end, Yoon-woo, unable to accept Ji-eun’s harsh words, had no choice but to enter Ji-eun’s room.
Maybe it was because of yesterday, or the cold outside was still on Yoon-woo’s face, or maybe it was because he was really shy about touching his head, Yoon-woo’s cheeks were stained red.
The shy figure felt cute, so Ji-eun deliberately fiddled with Yun-woo’s hair for a while after her hair had subsided, and then suddenly remembered what happened yesterday.
“Yoon-woo, by the way, who did you talk to for so long last night?”
“uh?”
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 94

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