Paranoid Love Affair 105
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 105

105
“You are not Hye-eun. Hye-eun is… … I am not like you.”
Yun-woo’s voice was still trembling, but his tone was firm.
In it, the trust that Hye-eun had built up for nearly a year was still firmly established.
From birth until now, Yun-woo had never given anyone so much trust.
I’ve never been so dependent on anyone.
It’s not that I didn’t doubt Hye-eun. In fact, at first, there was nothing to believe or not.
A corpse to be placed next to his dead body, Yun-woo did not place any more value on the rabbit.
But as time passed, handful, handful, little by little, she began to make reasons for Yoon-woo to trust her.
They were pretty pieces.
It took a long time. Even after several months had passed, the size of the faith he had built up was about the size of a small stone tower, and even he was shaken and about to collapse several times.
However, each time Hye-eun supported Yun-woo.
Her body temperature as she held Yun-woo in her arms melted the frost on the frozen surface of Yun-woo’s heart, and the drops of blood that fell from her wrist became glue that reconnected the scattered fragments of faith.
How many times have you despaired?
How scary was the night?
From the hell of a question mark that comes to him from time to time, why he is still alive, why he doesn’t go to die right away, Hye-eun has always given Yoon-woo a helping hand.
All of a sudden, Hye-eun’s existence became a huge pillar supporting Yun-woo’s world.
How could that be a lie?
Hye-eun’s warm arms, soft lips… … It was definitely not a dream… … .
“You are not like me. What the hell do you know about Hye-eun? … . Do you think there is such a woman? A woman who drinks and plays games all day, waiting for time to talk to you.”
Supporting Yun-woo’s existence now is not the memory of the 20 years he has lived.
Rather, those memories came when they were bored and tried to push Yun-woo’s existence into a pit.
The reason Yun-woo was able to fall asleep last night without being caught by those memories, and this morning Yun-woo was able to wake up without fear of the morning sun, was because there was someone who wanted Yun-woo to live.
This is because there were Hye-eun and Ji-eun who affirmed Yun-woo’s existence.
Therefore, denying the belief in Hye-eun was the same as knocking down one of the main reasons Yun-woo is alive and breathing right now.
All of Hye-rim’s words were painful, but Yun-woo’s defense mechanism was to protect the pillar, and among those sharp words, Hye-eun was diligently searching for the reason why Hye-rim was not.
“Why are people so naive? What fairyland do you live in? I comfort and support you every night without any intentions… … , do you think there is such a person? Yunwoo-ya, you are now 20 years old too. You shouldn’t trust people you don’t even know. What would have happened if Hye-eun had asked for a guarantee? You’re in trouble then.”
“Hye-eun is not the kind of person who asks of me like that.”
“that’s right. I didn’t mean to. But there are so many people in the world who think so.”
“Then Hye-eun… … . For me at the laundromat… … You couldn’t have done that. You, who laughed at me like this, couldn’t have hugged me.”
On the other hand, it was Yun-woo who thought that was very strong evidence.
I thought that Hyerim would not be able to easily refute it.
However, Hyerim sneered at Yunwoo without even showing a sign of embarrassment.
“laundry? Oh, did you kiss me then? Are you just doing it with that?”
“It’s just… … .”
Hye-rim even knew that Hye-eun and Yun-woo had kissed in the laundry.
If Hyerim isn’t Hyeeun, can she know that?
it’s something you don’t know
At that time, Yun-woo was unconscious. Cognitive ability and situation judgment ability were not normal.
So, he may not have noticed Hyerim passing by by chance.
How could Hye-eun say this?
They said it was their first kiss. After that, I was very shy while talking on the phone with Yoon-woo, who came home.
Of course, that was also the case with Yunwoo.
It was a day of shame and excitement.
It was the day I fell asleep thinking only of Hye-eun.
Yoon-woo couldn’t let go of the possibility that Hye-eun wasn’t Hye-rim, and that hope.
But the words that came out of Hyerim’s mouth were as sharp and sharp as a razor blade, as if they would cut the string at any moment.
“Was that such a big deal for you? Did a woman kiss you?”
“… … Yes.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be afraid? Are you a woman you don’t even know?”
“I don’t know your face… … . At that time, it was definitely Hye-eun.”
“It was Hye-eun, but it was me.”
“Nope. you wouldn’t have How could you ever think of kissing me?”
“because… … . Because it means nothing to me.”
“How can it be nothing?”
“A kid like you attaches great importance to it. It’s like a joke to me. How many boyfriends do you think I’ve ever had? ten people? score? How many times do you think you did that with them?”
It wasn’t just a kiss for Yun-woo.
At the laundromat, Yoon-woo was struggling with suffocation.
It certainly wouldn’t have looked good to others.
However, Hye-eun did not hesitate to hug Yun-woo like that.
He warmed his white face with a warm embrace, and breathed into his moaning lips.
It was Hye-eun at that time, not her parents, who gave Yoon-woo life.
It was said that even this Yun-woo could be alive.
The breath that Hye-eun gave her became the meaning of Yun-woo’s life.
“So… … Because I don’t put much value on it… … Even if it was you, it didn’t matter.”
However, if Hyerim is right, it will all be just an enlarged interpretation of Yunwoo.
The excitement he felt at that time and Yun-woo’s heart, who waited for Hye-eun every night, all lost their vitality and were scattered in a handful of dust.
“If you don’t believe me, can I show you my phone? I brought the cell phone I used to pretend to be Hye-eun, too.”
When Hyerim took out an old cell phone that was smaller and smaller than the cell phone she was using from her pocket, turned on the LCD and held it in front of Yoon-woo, it became difficult for Yoon-woo to deny Hye-rim’s words any longer.
This is because as soon as the LCD is turned on, Yoon-woo’s nickname, ‘Tofu Sundubu,’ floating at the top of the chat room of the Kakao Talk app, immediately caught my eye.
“Now do you know? Don’t you think I stole a cell phone from Hye-eun? This is my cell phone.”
The pillars began to crack.
Yun-woo’s presence began to shake.
It sounded like it was going to explode at any moment. No, it looks like half of it has already collapsed.
So it was as if the fragment had been lodged between the intestines.
I felt like I was going to collapse at any moment.
Was it really all lies?
Hye-eun told Yun-woo not to use the word ‘something like me’.
Hearing Yoon-woo’s self-deprecation makes Hye-eun feel bad too… … .
However, Hyerim in front of her now casually demeans Yunwoo and sneers at her.
How could this be the attitude of the same person?
Faith was collapsing.
Now the words coming out of Yun-woo’s mouth were close to struggling.
“… … Why did you come to the laundromat?”
“what?”
“If you don’t like me… … You could have just passed by. You could have pretended not to know.”
“How are you? Yunwoo, you won’t even give first aid unless it’s someone you like? Still, you and I see each other every day, isn’t it sad when someone like that dies?”
“Is it okay if I called 911? And can we just pass by? Why did you hug me? Why did you kiss me?”
“That will make you trust the rabbit more.”
No matter how hard I tried, there was no hope.
Far from restoring faith, Hyerim seemed to be trying to crush Yunwoo’s remaining faith and crush it into powder.
“why… … . If I believe in rabbits, what’s the benefit to you? What is your purpose?”
“purpose? There is no such thing.”
“No purpose? Talking to me in the economics class, asking me to do a homework together, eating together, pretending not to know at night, and contacting me as a rabbit… … . Was it something you did without a purpose?”
“Yes.”
“how… … How… … .”
“To put it bluntly, the purpose was to clear the mind. did i say I’m tired of living There are only nerds around, so I’m tired of it. But among them, you were a pretty funny nerd.”
Fragments of broken faith were scratching Yun-woo’s intestines.
It was resentful, sad, and resentful, but it was understandable enough.
What is the purpose of a young child who burns and kills ants with a magnifying glass?
The screams of the ants are too small to be heard by children.
The heat that burns the whole body and the writhing in the pain may seem like dancing in the eyes of children.
In Hyerim’s eyes, Yunwoo must have been the same.
Yun-woo’s pain, tears, Yun-woo’s life, death, and Hye-rim had nothing to do with it.
Hyerim just wanted to laugh while watching Yunwoo dancing.
“It was fun to see you trust me like a fool. It was fun to find me who hated and avoided me so hard at night. That’s all.”
“like that… … .”
“Are you convinced now?”
“… … What are your wrists?”
“Huh?”
“It was real. The scene you showed me through the video call… … . I watched even the drops of blood dripping from my wrists… … .”
“Ah, that… … .”
For Yun-woo, that was the last remaining question.
It was strange that Hyerim made an indelible scar on her wrist just for the sole purpose of playing with Yunwoo.
At that time, Hye-eun asked her to believe in herself.
If Yun-woo hurts himself again, he said he would do the same.
That memory was the last piece that made up Yun-woo’s belief in Hye-eun.
It was the largest of the fragments of faith scattered on the ground.
“The wound… … I thought it was because of me… … So I’m really sorry. I regret not trusting you.”
“It’s not because of you.”
“However… … Then why in my room… … .”
“It’s just directing. Do you think I did it just because of you? Do you think you are that important to me?”
“Then why… … .”
“Something bad happened. did you say Because of my father, my family is like beggars… … . So I just drew it on a whim. did you see it too I’ve been like this before.”
“It was incontinence… … .”
“Did you see only one arm? I have more severe scars on the other wrist. So, even when you exercise, you cover your wrists with gloves every day, don’t you?”
“Really, isn’t it because of me?”
“It was just the day I wanted to do it. It was impulsive. But I just thought it would be more fun if I could earn your trust with it. So… … This is never… … I am not hurt because of you.”
“… … That’s right. Because you are like me… … It can’t be… … .”
“that’s right. You were just a stag beetle. You put it in a collecting bin, watch it grow, and at some point you get tired of it and throw it away… … .”
“Right.”
“Seeing you and Ji-eun unnie doing that, I suddenly got tired of it. Both you and Ji-eun unnie are pathetic.”
“it’s okay. I got it.”
“Ji-eun is really funny too. Did you really choose it? Are you not so confident in yourself? Does that sister also have a strong sense of inferiority? I don’t think other good people would like to sleep, so I’m like this… … .”
“stop.”
“why? Do you hate it because I say bad things about Ji-eun unnie? Now, the only one left on your side is Ji-eun, right? Are you going to go whining again? But is it because Ji-eun unnie really likes things like you? It’s just that, in my opinion, the people I can meet seem to be at your level, isn’t it?”
“The author’s older sister… … such a person… … .”
“Do you have eyes for people? I didn’t even know that I was Hye-eun.”
“… … Can’t we go our separate ways now? Why do you keep doing that? why to me Why today… … .”
“today? Why today? Oh, do you want to take a rest after the midterm exam?”
“today… … today… … .”
what would you say
The day Yun-woo was born, there is nothing special about Hye-rim.
It will be the same day as usual.
“I’m sorry. it was only today Hurry up, pack your bags and go to the airport. God, I didn’t know plane tickets could be this cheap during the semester. Is it worth taking a leave of absence?”
“… … .”
“Anyway, I’ll go now. You and Ji-eun, who you believe in like that, live well together. I hope that relationship lasts.”
Saying that, he turned around and looked at Hyerim and Yunwoo in dismay.
it wasn’t there from the beginning.
In this world, there is such a rabbit, who calls every night without intention and with pure favor for Yun-woo, and gives warm words of comfort and support… … .
When Hyerim completely disappeared from view, Yun-woo moved hard and sat down on the bench next to him.
In fact, it might be more appropriate to say that you threw yourself rather than that you sat down.
At that time, just like it was at Kalttakgogae on that day in 4th grade with Hyerim… … .
Yun-woo’s body was so weak that it was difficult to even move to the bench three steps ahead.
When I sat on the bench and turned on the KakaoTalk app, the rabbit had already left the chat room.
In the group chat room where Hyerim and Ji-eun were together, now only Ji-eun’s name remained.
The conversation with the rabbit, the record of that long conversation that required scrolling up for a long time to return to the beginning, and the time we had with the rabbit were all crumpled up and thrown into the trash at this moment.
With the heart of Yoon-woo, who believed in Hye-eun… … .
Hope is gone.
In fact, there was no such hope from the beginning.
It was the rabbit who gave it to me.
Yun-woo is living in an innocent fairy tale land?
It was Hyerim who made that happen.
No rabbit, Hyerim, Jieun, and Yunwoo believed anyone.
So I tried to live and die alone.
What the rabbit really wanted, who had persuaded Yun-woo to have hope, was to kick and trample on Yun-woo’s hope.
Was it that much fun for her?
Giving meaning to the empty life of Yun-woo, who had nothing, and then taking it back… … Breaking a snowman that will melt and disappear on its own anyway and dumping it in the mud… … .
In this case, it was better to live empty.
I’d rather die without meeting the rabbit. Trusting someone is foolish.
Is Ji-eun a reliable person?
I don’t know anything now.
All of Hye-eun’s words, who were so kind, were all lies, but what guarantees that Ji-eun’s words are true?
Thinking like that, Yun-woo couldn’t get up from the bench at all.
‘Why am I here?’
‘Why did you study so hard for the exam?’
‘Why are you alive? Why didn’t you die sooner? Why me… … .’
Behind the student center where no one comes, no matter where the sun is, it is always dark because of the shadow of the student center or the shade created by the surrounding trees.
Always a dark and sparsely populated place… … .
That is Yun-woo’s life itself.
So, isn’t this the place for Yun-woo to be?
Isn’t it a fate worthy of Yun-woo to freeze to death here?
Through the trees, through the cracks in the fence blocking the doorway, silhouettes of people passing through the street could be seen.
Unbearably afraid of them, Yun-woo turned his head.
I hope that Yoon-woo’s appearance will not be noticed by them.
I hope no one knows that such an ugly and shameful creature lives in this world.
I hope no one sees me crying alone with nowhere to go like this, where I have dreamlike expectations at the age of 20, and eventually everything is shattered.
With that thought in mind, Yun-woo hugged her bag tightly and bowed her head.
Blindfolded, I wanted to forget all that such a terrible world existed, and that a terrible creature called Yun-Woo lived in that world.
But it was then.
When Yun-woo was almost burying his face in the bag, something hard and cold touched his neck.
It was a metal material that made a loud squeaking sound.
Was there anything like that on this bag? Yoon-woo, getting nervous for nothing, lifted his head slightly to get rid of the thing that got in the way of burying his head, or to grab it and throw it away… … .
It was something I couldn’t get rid of.
It could not be ripped or thrown away.
The thing that touched his neck was a cat key ring that Ji-eun gave to Yun-woo.
‘Can you believe me? That I liked you.’
‘No matter what, you know I’m on your side, right?’
‘Isn’t it natural to want to celebrate the birthday of someone you like?’
‘So… … I have to go home right after work is done… … .’
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 105

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