Paranoid Love Affair 111
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 111

111
“Hyerim… … do not go.”
“no… … . You have to go.”
“I just met… … I really wanted to see you… … .”
“… … .”
“Are you sure you want to go?”
“Huh.”
“Then five minutes… … Five more minutes… … .”
“under… … Yoon-woo.”
Yoon-woo’s expression and voice, who dissuaded Hye-rim, were mournful.
It’s ridiculous.
Unbearable, Hyerim took a deep breath and said.
“You said that you only come to class in the morning! It’s still Friday… … What if I do this every time I go out? I already took a leave of absence last year… … I mean, I had to strictly manage my grades… … .”
“still… … If I go in this time, I won’t see you for another 6 weeks… … .”
Saying that, Yun-woo was still lying on the bed in Hye-rim’s room.
Yoon-woo, who had just finished training camp and went on vacation, had thick hair like a new recruit, and his face was slightly tanned in the sun, so I thought he looked more dignified than usual… … Again, the contents were the same as Yunwoo.
Of course, Hyerim was not happy with Yunwoo like that, but… … Still, you have to go to class.
For Yoon-woo, who thought he would die right after completing four years of college, enlisting in the military was not even necessary.
However, last fall, Yun-woo finally got to see life.
After the shadow of death that had dominated his thoughts receded, Yun-woo was no longer able to run away from life’s problems.
Isn’t the biggest problem facing an ordinary 20-year-old male college student obviously the problem of enlisting in the military?
So Yun-woo applied to the Air Force at the end of last year and enlisted right away the following year.
“You said you can go to a meeting now? I go every weekend. I call every day… … .”
“Apart from the phone call, don’t come to visit. What are you doing that far? difficult… … .”
“Where is the woman who doesn’t even go to visit her boyfriend? Besides, it’s not that far from Suwon, is it? Enough to go.”
“I am satisfied enough to hear you on the phone.”
“I am not good enough. are you a little weird Why do you think you want me not to visit?”
“no… … You don’t know who might be there? If you happen to notice a strange senior while visiting… … .”
“then? what?”
“Maybe you… … I’m afraid I’ll pay too much attention… … . right? Everyone is trapped in that dreary place and is in a state of oppression, but when someone like you enters the meeting room… … There may be people who are just flirting.”
“Who is a person like me?”
“… … You know.”
“I don’t know?”
“… … .”
About four months have passed since Hyerim started dating Yunwoo.
Even if it’s only been a while since we’ve dated, it’s only been a little less than a year and a half, including the time I met Yoon-woo as a rabbit, but, nevertheless, Yun-woo is still so shy.
If Hyerim teases a little bit, she will immediately blush and close her mouth.
“Yoonwoo, you are so… … .”
“Ouch.”
Lightly pinching Yun-woo’s cheek, Hye-rim put on her shoes.
Would you like to go to class without Yoon-woo as Hye-rim?
I had already considered all the methods that could be missed in class, but there was really no way I could miss it today, even with the presentation.
“OK got it. I’ll stop going every week. But let me go once or twice before my next vacation. Is that all right?”
“Well… … .”
“I haven’t seen your face for six weeks… … Am I really struggling too? I can’t call you, so I have to keep waiting for calls from you.”
“… … Yes. okay. Well, just one more time before vacation… … .”
Considering the long time spent with Yoon-woo, Hyerim wanted to visit her every day, not every week, but now she doesn’t have to be so hasty.
Even after military service is over, graduating from college, and getting a job, Yun-woo will no longer leave Hye-rim.
He no longer looks at Hyerim with resentment.
“Then see you later for lunch. will you sleep better here? Or are you going to Ji-eun’s house?”
“I will go there.”
“Yeah then. I will go there later.”
Yun-woo’s luggage was still in Ji-eun’s house.
After my enlistment was decided, I was going to take my things out and send them home… … In the meantime, the problem was that Yoon-woo’s parents decided to divorce.
The house was once again a battlefield.
In fact, the war never ended.
Only the face of war is constantly changing.
The war of slandering each other and throwing objects at each other has now become a battle in the courtroom.
It would have been nice if the ending was quiet and peaceful… … .
Even though they hated each other so much, they turned their backs on each other and could not easily negotiate even parting.
In the breakdown of that relationship, they are still fighting over who has more responsibility and who has the right to take how much property.
So Yun-woo could not return to that house.
If you go back now, Yun-woo will be engulfed in their fight.
The world is always like that.
Just because Yun-woo had a different mind, all of Yun-woo’s problems are not resolved in an instant.
Another big problem comes up when you think you’re going to let go of the hour, and even bigger problems arise when you’re stumped because you can’t even solve it.
Sometimes it seems like everything in the world is trying to kill me.
However, even if nothing has been resolved, the world will change with just one change in the landscape of the mind.
Even if Yun-woo could no longer return to that house, even if his parents treated him as a pile of debt that had to be handed over to the other party taking advantage of a legal dispute, Yun-woo did not want to die any more.
Yun-woo decided to die because he was looking for a heart in people who had no heart.
‘sister. I like Hyerim. So in the end… … .’
‘Yes. congratulations. It kind of seemed like it.’
‘Sorry. sister. You’ve been so good to me… … .’
‘What are you sorry for? It’s not obligatory to like someone. It shouldn’t be an obligation. And even if you date Hyerim, I’m still your friend.’
‘… … thanks’
Having said that, Ji-eun said that it was okay to leave the luggage at her house, and that she could live with Yun-woo as long as she wanted.
‘really… … can i do that? I’m with Hyerim… … .’
‘what? Do you think that not being my lover would be a reason for me to kick you out?’
Ji-eun sincerely congratulated Yun-woo and Hye-rim on their relationship.
And even to this day, Yunwoo and Hyerim have been good friends they can trust and rely on.
Yoon-woo’s words to Rabbit and Ji-eun, saying that anyone who likes him is good is a story that is rude to those who sincerely show favor to Yun-woo.
They had come into conflict with each other without expecting anything in return, but Yun-woo dared to put a conditional sentence on it, ‘As long as you like me’.
The very thought of Yun-woo that he was disgusting made Yun-woo’s words and actions disgusting.
To the people who accepted him like that, I felt that Yunwoo owes a very large debt.
It was a debt of the heart that had no contract, no money, that had to be repaid over the course of a lifetime. It was also light.
I worked hard during the vacation to pay the hospital bills, and I also worked as a tutor, but on the day that Ji-eun received money from Yun-woo, she took Hye-rim and Yun-woo to a lamb skewer shop to buy alcohol.
So you don’t feel like you’ve ever paid off that debt.
Those were fun times.
Those times filled his heart to overflowing, and Yoon-woo was no longer an empty human being.
Even if the hometown disappears, even if the parents disappear, there is still a place for Yun-woo in this world.
The beggar’s room I was looking for to get my deposit back and say hello to the landlord… … .
A place that was like a devil’s stomach, or a coffin of the dead.
The place that always made Yunwoo suffer from hallucinations of the ceiling falling… … .
It was just an ordinary room.
It was just a small and dirty room.
Those nights when I trembled with anxiety and fear, to the extent that I feel funny… … .
It was Yun-woo’s heart that made it into a coffin.
It’s not just this room.
The people passing by laughing at Yun-woo, and the world full of malice, were all illusions created by Yun-woo.
It is not only Yoon Woo who suffers from such illusions.
In fact, all people are living in the illusion.
It is difficult to understand a person properly, and even to get a true piece from him, who can truly understand and live in this huge world?
In the end, the world we perceive is just a piece of fragment that has been separated from a huge reality.
However, because each of us is so small that we can understand the world only through our narrow subjectivity, we live by believing that small fragment is the truth.
And the moment I believe it to be true, it becomes a world, at least for me.
So it controls my thoughts and actions.
As if the black piece of the world Yun-woo accepted as the truth, really brought Yun-woo to the threshold of death.
But our inability to reach reality is not necessarily a tragedy.
In the end, if a significant part of a human’s world cannot but be an illusion, it is because humans are the ones who can fill that illusion with happy light at will.
For example, not all of Yun-woo’s delusions of victimization were delusions.
Even if Yun-woo moves one finger, there are people in the world who feel uncomfortable and disgusted with even the slightest movement.
There may have been one in a thousand or one in ten thousand people who laughed at Yun-woo, who was walking with Hye-rim.
If you accept the thoughts of such people as a piece of the world, Yun-woo’s life will be colored in darkness.
However, knowing that it is not the reality of the world at all, and knowing that it is just a piece of stone floating in the vast universe, Yun-woo can paint his world with a new light at any time.
If you pay attention to another world full of all kinds of possibilities, not the gray voice of a heartless person, dotted with malice, Yun-woo’s world can shine in green, red, and blue.
But now, Yun-woo’s world is… … It was filled with only Hyerim’s light.
With her pink love in the dark red stigma left in the narrow room that used to be Yun-woo’s coffin… … .
“… … What is it?”
“Huh? what?”
“In the end, isn’t this a story where the author only suffers from you?”
“uh? Why is this?”
“is not it? I gave you my heart, I gave you a room, I gave you everything… … After all, she says he’s dating another woman?”
“Huh.”
“What the hell is that?”
When I tell this story to others, I always get this kind of reaction.
Even if you tell a very reliable and close friend.
“Author, are you… … Do you still like that junior Yoon-woo?”
“Huh.”
“… … too much Every time I see them, my heart hurts.”
“Do you see each other every day? I like it.”
“what? what is that… … They’re really shameless.”
“Why are they? They are good kids.”
“No, that junior girl too, did you know that you like her? After taking it away, how do I meet you?”
“You stole it… … . Yunwoo likes her. That’s all.”
“… … Author, you are really… … .”
“I am doing well. do not worry.”
“The pods haven’t come off yet. There are many good men in the world. If it’s your request, I can go on a blind date anytime… … . no. Just set a date right now. hold your posture I took a picture of your face like a doll and took it right away… … .”
“it’s okay.”
“Ji-eun… … .”
“Did I say that I still like Yun-woo?”
“If you meet another man, will it be different again?”
“it’s okay. I am still happy.”
Really, Ji-eun was happy.
Hyerim, whom Ji-eun likes, and Yun-woo, whom Ji-eun likes, are living healthy.
Now, both of them don’t even go to a psychiatrist, and they laugh happily every day.
Is it strange to be happy to see that?
A lot of people seem to think it’s weird.
They say that Ji-eun lost Yun-woo to Hye-rim.
stealing… … . Yunwoo is not a thing.
No human being can own another human being.
You can force your partner to act with a contract, but you can’t see or know what’s going on inside.
How do you give ownership to the freely changing and wandering mind in Yun-woo?
How did you intervene there?
If that had been the case, Ji-eun would have entered the room before Yun Woo or Hye-rim swallowed the medicine, and would have changed the scenery earlier.
Yet people say so.
There are many such lines in dramas and movies.
‘You are mine.’
‘Take me.’
Such absurd lines… … .
Of course, it would be said without much thought to create a romantic atmosphere.
But there are a lot of people who are really misunderstood in the world.
You think that you own the other party, that you have a certain share right in your mind.
It’s ephemeral, like taking ownership of that night sky, an unknown swarm of stars.
‘I know you are busy preparing for CPA… … How can you not send a single message for 5 hours? Didn’t you even go to the bathroom? Haven’t you thought of me for a while?’
‘It’s the weekend, so why are you making an appointment with someone other than me first? Are you dating another man?’
Attempting to possess something that cannot be possessed makes even the intrinsic value of meeting a form.
I want the other person’s heart to turn to me somehow, but I can’t reach it, so I try to possess the other person’s time.
Trying to restrict the other person’s words and actions.
Then, the meeting that was full of excitement turns into a gray contract.
Attempting to have what you can’t have is to make it fade away and go far away.
So people don’t always understand.
How much Ji-eun, Yun-woo, and Hye-rim like each other, and how happy they are.
It can only be obtained by giving up.
You have to try not to have it in order to have it.
It is a treasure that can only be touched by throwing away the sun where I am standing and heading to the dark and terrifying cave.
I give out the only candle that illuminates my room to others, and it is a light that only shines on those who are willing to face darkness.
‘… … What is it?’
Ji-eun did not answer the friend’s question.
It cannot be easily named.
The louder you ask, the smaller it gets.
Something that will never be caught by those who try to grab it in their hands.
No matter how much you put it in front of your eyes, to some, it can only be seen as a cold contract.
It wouldn’t be very cool to talk about what it is.
The moment you spit it out, the name is so lightly scattered into the air.
But, even if you don’t say it out loud… …
You may already be thinking of its name.
 
Paranoid Love Affair chapter 111

|
ToC
|
Next